Caustic Cupcake's Creepy Cupboard

This morning, my little Sugar wanted to enjoy a shower with me. She jumped from the radiator to the shower curtain rod. It is round and flimsy. There was shrieking and flailing and scratching, and then I ran to get Logic Professor, who is tall and handsome, the important factor in this case being that he is tall. As he was running to rescue our cat from the curtain rod where she hung by her claws, we heard a mighty THUMP and she dropped to the floor by herself. When we came in, she was licking off her front paws daintily.

Because he doesn't have to teach today, he's driving me to school. He is a dear. I'd better get ready.

Unbelievably, I am blogging from a suburb of Baltimore. I couldn't tell you which suburb, because I don't know.

LoPro and I went to see David Bazan play a house show with under 30 audience members tonight. It was fantastic. The problem was that LoPro is participating in a fantasy football draft tonight. So we brought our laptops and, on the ride home, pulled over into a residential neighborhood and drove around looking for unsecured wireless networks. So far, we've had to move twice; he drafted one player and then our internet provider... I don't know, decided to go to bed? Lost power?

So here I am. In Baltimore. Yep.

**UPDATED**

Found it! Here's where I'm sitting. It is ironically close to a road named after our home city.

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Hey, all!

I have all your email addresses if I ever get a new blog up and running, but truth be told I've been too busy. School just started, and before that I went to see my cousins in Ohio, and before that I don't remember what I was up to but I bet it was something similarly wholesome.

Logic Professor and I are doing fine. He's growing his beard out, and he started school today, too (albeit in a different capacity). The kittens and I, however, are not getting along; they keep waking me up to play with them. At dawn. Sleep deprivation is taking its toll. This morning I finally snapped after they had been scratching at my face for an hour, liberally doused them both with a spray bottle full of water, fell back onto my pillow clutching the bottle, and then the alarm went off. Great: now I'm a kitten-hating asshole AND I have to get up for school.

As soon as I get a new blog up and running, you'll hear about it.

I'm thinking about starting a new Creepy Cupboard! This one is getting big and cumbersome. Email me if you want the new address, whenever I put it together.

This is my 487th post on this blog. In the interest of full disclosure, I should remind you that I periodically lose my fucking mind when not crushed into a strict work or school schedule. I think I have too much time to think now. Perhaps I should sign up for boot camp. That would keep me busy.

I've been thinking about a bunch of loosely related things. To begin with, I've been obsessing over my own mortality for months now, but it's gotten much worse recently. I spend a lot of time trying to distract myself from it. Every day - several times a day - I'm gripped by the helplessness of it. My indignation and near-constant panic has earned me no immortality that I know of. That was one of the reasons I stepped back from Logic Professor for a few weeks (a few weeks that he dubbed "Operation: Break LoPro's Heart"), aside from being an idiot. I kept thinking, if I'm going to die, do I want to tie myself down between now and then? What haven't I done yet, and shouldn't I be doing it alone? If I have any doubts about this relationship, don't I owe it to my one chance at life to kick myself in the pants and move on?

I've moved on to analyzing my time. How am I spending it? All my good ideas: why do I think more cool things than I do? The internet: I can't say I'm proud of the time I've spent on it, and I have no fond memories of being on it. So I've been blogging less and doing more blog-worthy things. I think. I hope.

At the same time, I just discovered Facebook. Now there's a mind-fuck. After years of swearing I wouldn't cave, that I would stay off the grid, I joined. My whole family was on there! I could keep up with my cousins! But it forced me to do some self-reflection, which is tantamount to self-criticism. What will I put on this Facebook page of mine? Here I am: ordinary. Here I am: ordinary, and spending my life on Facebook, being depressed about being ordinary and spending my life on Facebook. Everyone else is doing that too, right? We should start a group. Oh wait, we did. It's called THE INTERNET.

I started cleaning out a closet the other day, just starting with a box of papers from high school. I found an old list that was titled "Things to do so as to not make the day a waste" and I thought, well, it's not working. Almost a decade after I wrote that list, I'm still thinking that way, that if I can pack enough productivity into a day, I'll have earned the right - and hopefully the capability - to fall asleep at night without thinking that I'm going to die pissed off at myself.

It's not working.

Labels: Insanity

Happy Birthday LoPro!

I just finished packing up and putting all of my stuff that was at my parents' house in my car - guitar, laptop, quilting supplies, books, clothes, toiletries, stuffed walrus - and I'm taking it back home. Then I'm going to get dressed and go to work. I mean, I'm dressed now. Just not dressed for work.

I'm going back for a couple reasons:

• We have been talking and drifting back together.
• For being in a major metropolitan area, my parents live in the middle of nowhere. I don't know how my father stands his commute. Given that LoPro and I have been hanging out at least biweekly, and I am still going to work biweekly, all the driving to and from the only town within a hundred miles that doesn't have a major highway running through it is starting to wear thin. I've spent a few nights at the apartment, but then all my stuff is in another location, and it's getting complicated.
• My kittens miss me.
• The garden needs significant attention.
• Considering how much Logic Professor and I have been seeing of each other, the separation has proved to be pretty ineffective. There isn't much more reason for me to be distancing myself. We can continue negotiations while living together.

And there you have it.

P.S. Do you like the new blog?

Labels: Lovelife

Update your feed readers! I direct you to my newest blog, Everycorn. There are enough animals lined up to last until December.

Labels: Cleaning Out The Cupboard

I was thinking today, as I carried some more of my stuff out of the apartment to take to my parents' house, about the order in which I've been collecting my things.

• First round: a few sets of clothes, some toiletries, Wheelock's Latin, George Lakoff's Women, Fire, and Dangerous Things, Wellbutrin, a bedside table, and a cell phone charger.
• Round Two: More clothes, hair accessories, and a few articles of makeup.
• Round Three: laptop and power cord; vitamins; quilting supplies; guitar; stuffed walrus.
• Round Four: Clothes; bills, checkbook, stamps, and financial records; iPod cord; two more hoodies.

Oh, the horror: the internet at my parents' house is down. "There was life before internet, you know," my mother said, but the time is now and the internet is here! And by "here" I mean the local Burger King, where I am internetting on my laptop.

I took my laptop, vitamins, quilting supplies, guitar, and stuffed walrus over to my sister's room at my parents' house yesterday before work. I have two walruses, both of them presents from Logic Professor. The big one is named Gettysburg, and the smaller, cuter one is named Getlet. He had texted me to say that Getlet missed me. I told him to leave the walruses out of this. Then I came and rescued my walrus.

In addition to missing LoPro and our kittens and, to a lesser extent, the most boring rabbit ever, I am also feeling guilty. It is the complement of missing someone when you are at fault for the separation: I feel guilty because of how he feels. Seeing LoPro upset makes me upset, and it's all the worse because I'm the cause of it. While I appreciate the kind words of everyone who comments here, I have to say that I am not the one you should be consoling, and I probably do not deserve it.

By the way, speaking of Burger King, I am gaining weight. I keep shoveling cookies and ice cream into my face. Maybe today I'll run around the back yard a couple times.

Well, I'd better get out of here; my computer is about to die, and I have to bring my parents some burgers. Also, there's a homeless woman here who keeps staring at me, and a man who sounds like he has tuberculosis. Remind me to blog about all the new bartenders I've been training. I leave you with a couple pictures of my current HQ:

Labels: Logic Professor, Lovelife